Your dog must be larger than a toaster. Tip well. Never use the word “blossom.” Outperform the GPS. Know how to chug a beer (and know that you shouldn’t). Always hold the door. Never use emoticons.

These are The Maxims of Manhood. They cover every aspect of life: women, sports, sex, the office, family, entertainment, fashion, fitness, and more women. Some of these you’d expect. Some you wouldn’t, as they usher in a modern code of masculinity (Your favorite book may not be The Da Vinci Code). In a series of 100 essays, the rules are analyzed, explained, vigorously defended and openly mocked. Every rule has an authorized exception. Except the ones that don’t.